I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
