Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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