Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.

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(571): View more from Virginia

the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

there's a liquor store near my therapist

(617): View more from Massachusetts

i might give it a shot.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom

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(+61): View more from Australia

It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"

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(928): View more from Arizona

I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink

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(631): View more from New York

You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.

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