FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
