I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
