And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
