she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
