just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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