my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize