Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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