I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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