I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
