No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
