FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
MIDGETS
????
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
