my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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