She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
