Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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