they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
