In America we eat man semen.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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