ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
