Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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