May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
