Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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