i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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