Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
