Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
