Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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