Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
