OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
