so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize