Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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