Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
