I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
