needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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