I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm bleeding and have questions
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
