My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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