I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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