Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
