whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
