ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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