You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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