I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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