you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
