Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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