he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
