He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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