I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
