Where is the hickey?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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