i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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