R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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