Welp...herpes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize