i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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