who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
