I think I died a long time ago.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
