your parents love me but you hate me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
