You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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