So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
