I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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