I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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