It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
