ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
