I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
