I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
