Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think your dad took our porno
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
