Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
