Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I love you.
Bad choice
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
