I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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