So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i came on her dog
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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